Methinks Iran has the key to solving overpopulation.

Much has been made of the decision by an Iranian court to have an adulterous woman stoned to death. I don’t know why it has become an issue all of a sardine, they’ve been doing it for ages. At first glance, us civilised people in non arab nations who are unfamiliar with Shariah Law feel this is shocking. I have some thoughts on this issue.

Of course, she could be electrocuted, but as someone who lives in a country with an electricity shortage, I don’t think this is a good idea, it would just increase load shedding. She could be hanged, but that wouldn’t be a good idea either, we’d have to cut down trees to make the gallows, we need trees for this whole global warming thing. She could be killed by lethal injection, but that probably isn’t organic, so that’s out too. The upside of execution by stoning is that it would provide jobs for marijuana smokers, that’s right, all the stoners would have jobs.

Obviously she must be killed, that’s the law, she knew it when she cheated on her hubby. She was originally given ten years in prison for killing her hubby. Why the different sentences? I’ll explain shortly. The point is, if you’re gonna kill your hubby, don’t go commit adultery, just kill him & marry the new guy, if he’s dense enough to marry someone who kills her hubby.

Some say, what about the man, why doesn’t he get stoned to death? He also committed adultery. Valid, excepting, he won’t get pregnant, & contribute to the population problem I hear so much about. See, when she killed her hubby, she was actually not only reducing the population by one, she was making it less likely for her to have kids. Having kids out of wedlock is dangerous in Iran, you might get stoned. By committing adultery, she then increased the possibility that she would, so she deserves to die, just like all those pesky Africans we allow to starve to death every year.

Surely that’s not the same, is it? No, it isn’t, many of the kids who starve to death didn’t get the option to break the law at all. They just don’t have food, so they deserve to die more than she does. We don’t throw our arms up in protest every time one of them dies, but it’s a huge issue when someone who broke the law, gets the sentence she expected (so she’s really being stoned for being stupid enough to break a law with an excessive sentence). I’d imagine being starved to death is far more humane than being stoned anyway. Perhaps they should just starve her, then no one will complain, not even the environmentalists, they don’t really care how people die, as long as they don’t harm the environment in the process.

Of course these kids are starving because of the food shortage that is caused by there being too many people. There is of course no connection between the masses of arable land dedicated to the production of alcohol, & the shortage of food. All that grain needed for whiskey; cheap vodka; beer & gin. All those grapes used for wine & brandy. All the potatoes used for better vodka, I doubt that good vodka exists (just cheap & better). Of course none of that stuff could be used as food. Not to mention all the land dedicated to the production of tobacco, that land couldn’t possibly be used to grow food. How absurd that these peoples’ right to food may be greater than someone else’s right to get drunk, or smoke themselves to cancer.

I also doubt that there is any connection between the huge quantities of meat being produced & this food shortage. Where I live, a hectare of maize will produce about 8 tons of maize in a season in a weak year. The same land being grazed would produce about one third of a cow in a good year, which if fully grown would probably mean about 600 kg of meat; bone & offal, but nobody likes full grown beef, way too tough. I do believe that your right to a steak supersedes someone else’s right to live.

Of course this doesn’t address other issues surrounding the over population problem. We need land, & there just isn’t enough. If we gave everybody in the world 25m by 25m to live on, they would each have 625 square metres which would be enough space for a small cottage, & land for a veggie garden enough to feed that one person. There are about seven billion people in the world, & the combined areas of South Africa; Namibia; Lesotho; Swaziland; Botswana; Zimbabwe; Zambia; Mozambique; Angola & Malawi would be enough to provide everybody with their 625 (see here). Unfortunately not all this land is arable, so we clearly don’t have enough land for everybody. We also need clothes, so we’d need more land to grow fibres, so now we definitely don’t have enough of it.

As you can see, the world is horribly overpopulated, we need a solution. If we don’t protest the deaths from starvation in Africa, & stay home & drink beer instead, we can help fix this problem. If we stone adulteresses, they won’t have kids, & surprisingly enough grandkids either, we will definitely help to solve the problem. I do have a more effective solution though: if you believe that the population, & not an over consuming society, is the problem, then you can save the planet by shooting yourself.

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